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Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community. It sounds like you would benefit from some counselling to help work through your anxiety and work out what these feelings mean. This is what beyondblue tackled with its "Left Hand" campaign; no-one would think twice about telling people they were left handed, but the fear of being labelled gay or having a mental illness for that matter is a very real one. If it's a particular friend that you keep thinking about and not men generally, then it could simply be that there is something about that friendship that you miss in your life if you're not still friends with this person. Perhaps there was a platonic intimacy and depth to the friendship that you weren't experiencing with your girlfriend.